Now that we’ve covered what a SAHD is and why I personally love being home, I wanted to dive into the common reasons given for daughters staying home and discuss whether or not they are actually valid. If I’m not staying at home because I believe it’s the only holy choice for me, enjoying my parents’ home cannot be the only reason I stay. Well, I guess it could. I mean, it is pretty great…
Anyway, here are the Other Reasons I stay:
1. Staying connected as a family
I have quite a few good friends. Some of them I would even count as family. However, my immediate family is my top priority as far as human relationships go. My parents always put a huge emphasis on being friends with our siblings. My parents are best friends, they are friends to their kids (in a healthy way) and we are all friends with each other. We were homeschooled most of our lives and moved around/traveled a lot, so there were seasons when we didn’t have many friends outside of our home. There were road trips that consisted of twelve-hours a day in our suburban for three days with no TV or phones or iPods or iPads or Gameboys (is that even the thing anymore??) We had two options: be friends or hang out with your enemies all day.
The relationships that we built out of these somewhat isolated times are too precious to lose now that we are growing up and grown. So basically, if I moved out, I could live with a really great friend or two, but if I stay home I’m with my best friends in the whole world. My sisters are pretty sweet roomies. I get to eat lunch with my little brothers. I get to stay up late watching movies with my mom. Our home is the hub of our social life in many ways. We love opening our doors to each other’s friends. And yes, we do get out, but we bring people in even more often and that keeps us all really connected. Which I love.
2. Money, money, money
For obvious reasons, it saves me money to live at home. Most of my friends who are in college are unable to support themselves. They do not work while they are in school or, like me, work part time. Their parents have to pay for housing, food, tuition, books, bills, gas and extra finances. I can only imagine that that adds up very quickly. Going to college costs a lot, but just living outside of the home does too. At home, I take up one bedroom and three meals a day, not much gas or other resources. I don’t even shower every day, but you probably didn’t need to know that…
I am very thankful to my parents for continuing to support me. I pay for any extra things I need (clothes, gifts, books, coffee with a friend, etc.) and try to make wise choices with their money. As it stands now, I work twenty-three hours a week and am saving up for future plans right now. I am able to work for and save my own money, because I live at home. I’m hoping this gives me more career options in the future, because it will be my money to spend when I want to pitch another book or continue my education.
3. It’s safer
I don’t think this one needs much explaining. Coming home late at night to my dad and brothers and our dogs and a lock and key and a security system in a house in the woods is a lot safer than coming home late at night to an apartment in which my girlfriends may or may not be sleeping behind a door which may or may not be locked. Plus: hanging out with guys at my house vs. hanging out with guys at “my” apartment. It’s kind of like living in a boarding house. There are plenty of “public” places to chat.
4. Team work
By living at home, I’m able to help my family in many ways and they are able to help me, too. Over the years, I’ve been babysitter, housekeeper, chef, grocery shopper, tutor, errands runner, landscaper, you name it. It has given me ample experience for starting my own home one day (though it didn’t take twenty-two years to learn to cook and clean, no matter what other SAHDhood advocates may say!) Do I consider myself to be a domestic goddess now? No. But am I more domestic than the other girls I know? Yes, I probably am.
At times, my parents paid me to do certain tasks for the home. I used to get paid to grocery shop, plan meals and cook. Today, my nineteen year old sister gets paid to twist my little sister’s hair every week and maintain it (black hair is no joke, y’all.) In return, I use my parents all the time, even at twenty-two. My dad fixes my computer and scrapes the ice off the windshield and changes lightbulbs and fetches things from the attic. My mom answers a myriad of questions every day, does 100% of my laundry, lets me use her car, makes my coffee when I’m rushing out the door and drops it off at the office if I forget it all together! Living so communally, it’s impossible to separate the things we do for ourselves and the things we do for each other.
The truth is, we all spend a lot of time at home and much of that time is spent running the home. Maybe my dad is cooking and I’m helping. Maybe I’m cooking and my little brother is helping. Maybe I cook by myself and my little sisters do the dishes. Maybe my mom is homeschooling and I’m running the errands. Maybe she’s running the errands and I’m homeschooling. If this was a business, the jobs would have to be more set in stone (and oftentimes that sounds more appealing!) but when you’re family, you pitch in where you can.
5. Having a little share in a big company, vs. having a big share in a little company
I get to live in a big house with a big kitchen and a big yard. Sure, I share it with nine other people, but I get a share. When I want to cook, I have a big, nice kitchen to do it in with big, nice pots and pans. When I want to have friends over to watch a movie, I have a big, nice TV room with a big nice TV in it. When I want to garden, I have a big space outside where I can till the ground. When I want to read a book against a tree, I have my choice of trees! Big companies can offer bigger benefits. Sure, there are things I envy about those in “little companies.” No one has to ask their roommates before they make plans. There’s not a line for the shower when you live with one or two other people. Having your own car must be nice. But almost every time I have a friend over to Eyrie Park for the first time, they mention our backyard. That’s some pretty great Members Only perks, right there!
What are other benefits to staying at home as an adult I didn’t mentioned?