Archive | funny

Dance the night away…


Monday night was the teen dance.

I was nervous having not been to one in nearly a year and haven’t practiced any dances since then. But we went, Sabrina, Tessa, Rita, Elizabeth, Skye and I. It was fun! I am glad we went despite the awkward moments. These dances are just oozing with awkward moments, but in the end I don’t regret going. Some of the people are really cool…others are to be avoided unless you want to end up having an anxiety attack. If you want to hear more about this, check out Tessa’s top ten awkward dance moments at www.tessabainbridge.blogspot.com
Anyway, we spend most of the time sitting sipping drinks in the sanctuary of the Unitarian church (not that we GO to that church) chatting amongst ourselves and making pretend matches for our friends. We all agree that this one guy likes Sabrina…except Sabrina herself. And then there was this guy who was funny and “free styled” the whole time which was quite entertaining. Contrary to common belief, I am NOT madly in love with him. I stubbed my toe really hard and it swelled up and went all cold. I skipped a few dances but was able to get up the strength to dance the last waltz…which is my favorite.
We usually have to run to the bathroom 2-7 times to avoid particular awkward moments, people, dances or situations. The bathrooms smell really bad and the rooms you have to walk through to get there are creepy with statues and books and brochures which list all of types of people they accept there and all the different books you may hear preached from in their sermons (the bible, the Koran, the book of Mormon etc.) But, the lady who leads it rents out their building and so all of these Christian homeschooling kiddos come and jig.
But over all, we had a fun time, danced to fun songs and overcame our embarrassment by watching our chums do the same embarrassing things.
Have a lovely day (only five until Christmas)
Everly Pleasant
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Ode to the vacuum cleaner

Ode to the vacuum cleaner
Oh Mr. McGaffey,
Inventor of the vacuum,
The Dr. Frankenstein of modern age,
Creator of a monster disguised as a machine.
I’d rather pick the crumbs out of our rugs,
And sweep every hard floor,
Than have this other option,
For the sake of efficiency,
The vacuum cleaner.
Lo! Beware!

The Story:
I know that you are all on the edge of your computer chairs after my thrilling poetry, but you must now calm yourselves and read this story…this tragedy.
Our vacuum is the very vacuum pictured above. Though the lady in pink appears to be happy, that is only because she is only a model and she is not being forced to actually use the vacuum which she holds so naively in her hands. This is what you need to know about our vacuum before the story:
1. It has been called an elephant and a monster in the past
2. It has been a member of our household for as long as I can remember
3. It vacuums very well
4. There have been plots to assassinate and replace the monster multiple times
5. the monster must weigh like 470 pounds
Now, my mother loves this vacuum because, as I said, it vacuums very well. But other than that, I really hate it. It looks dainty enough in the ad, but in actual reality, it is a huge grey elephant that must be dragged between chairs and carried (like an over weight toddler) up and down stairs every Monday! And, inside you will find a bucket. The bucket must be filled with water and then, seven hours later, when you’re done vacuuming, you take it out just when it begins to smell, carry it outside (far enough that we don’t smell or see it later), dump the water out, locate a small branch, poke inside and spend a matter of minutes scraping wet dust and hairs and spiders and ponytail holders out of this bucket. Then, the lid never fits on quite right and there are many different attachments that are supposed to hook onto the back but by the end of the day are scattered in basically every room you vacuumed. And at one point every day you have the misfortune of vacuuming, you are destined to find yourself with the hose around your leg, the end sucking your shirt and the plug threatening to pull out if you flinch so much as to sniff back the tears!
Well! Today I didn’t do most the vacuuming. But I did the end. I finished us off and this proves to be a point when the monster is tired and grouchy and won’t cooperate no matter how hard you cry. I was actually done. I was tired and a little moist from the water aspect of this task but I was done. So I began to feed the cord back into the little mouth. Well, it was of course tangled around all four wheels and the hose so this turned into a frustrating struggle. During this, something fell off the bottom of the vacuum. I picked it up, it looked like a six legged barbie table. Luckily, Joey was walking down the hall in front of me. “Joey, what is this?” I asked in what I know must have been a irritated tone. “I don’t know.” He said. “Well, it fell off the bottom of the vacuum and I don’t want to flip it over to try and find where it goes because it’ll spill the water.” I say. “Well, you can go ahead and take the water out since you’re done and then flip it over.” He begins to travel up the stairs, skipping four stairs with each ostrich step. “I was kind of hoping you’d help me find where it belongs.” Says I. “I think that there will just be a big hole that you stick it into.” He says. So he continues on, but he’s only on the second flight of stairs when he hears a BANG and SPLASH and MOAN. “Are you ok?” He asks, footsteps stopping. “No…” I groan. He comes back down to find me lying on the floor, sprawled out on my back, the vacuum tipped over, the bucket upright but the lid at a distance and water running down two walls. I’m holding my finger and declaring my life to be a “ball of poop.”
I am sorry if that offends any of you, my language can be quite profane in such desperate situations.
We both started laughing and Joey said: “You can be glad that you didn’t spill the whole bucket of water.” and I said: “Yeah Pollyanna.” and something about cursed Mondays.
Then he trotted back up stairs and I sat up, finding my finger to be alright after all and appraised the situation. I looked at the bottom of the vacuum. Lo! There was a little hole. But the table didn’t fit in it! Then Birdie came walking down the stairs and, seeing the muddy water, stopped. “Do you need some help?” She offered. “Yes! This little table thingy won’t fit in this little hole and…can you give Joey a message for me?” “Mmhm.” “Tell him that the ball of poop needs help. There is an issue with the barbie table.” She giggled and ran up to Joey’s room and then reappeared. “Joey says that he knows what you’re talking about and he’ll be right there.” She giggled away. Joey then reappears (kind soul) and informs me that the little table doesn’t go all the way into the hole but that I had it in right. I was overjoyed, ran out and emptied the remaining water, put the vacuum away (yippee) and mopped up all the goop up with a rag.
All is well,
Everly

6

Trixie Belden and the mystery of the microwave murderer

Well Everyone,
As I’ve mentioned before, my mom reads us a few chapters from a book everyday. Most recently she’s been reading “Trixie Belden and the Mystery at Happy Valley.” Jeepers! It was golly-gee good! It was just swell! All of the characters were neato and as for the plot-no soap!
If you have any idea what I’m saying, you either:
A. Have the “Leave it to Beaver” DVD collection
B. Have read Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys or something like this…or…
C. Are really, really old

Other than that, I’ve been cleaning up the two old doll houses that Granny gave us and enjoying this nice weather we’ve been having. When I woke up this morning, the Internet wasn’t working and the microwave was dead. My first thought was to blog about it, but I found it difficult to blog without using the Internet. Jubilee’s first thought was that if our appliances go dead she can play with them. Yippee! Well, obviously the Internet came back to life but we are still heating up left-overs on the stove. We just had to buy a great big ancient monitor to use for our laptop because the screen went out. It’s usually the dryer!

Well, I am craving one of those Honey crisp apples we bought and the sunshine has a way of luring me out of anything else I should be doing but sitting/playing outside. Tootles,

Everly P.

Oh! P.S.
Thanks everyone for their votes. Last night I entered “When the creek runs dry” in the contest but I’m not getting my hopes up. In 6 months I can enter another so if you have unspoken feed-back, go ahead and hand it over.

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Note at 2:18

I sit here at the computer,
Listening the The Righteous Brothers (good old stuff), typing on that book for Birdie and watching the first leaves fall. Soon all the trees will be bare. Anyway, for further notice-The Righteous Brothers and falling leaves is a good combo. ;)

Funny things # 10:
Today at lunch all of the kids began to discuss Halloween costumes. Willin wanted to be a cat but we all shouted suggestions like “Knight! and “Soldier!” to try to encourage something more manly. Sam thought of “a piece of meat” and Willin said that he would eat him. Then Willin, afraid that someone might eat a cat and remembering something he had been told about poisonous plants said “I’ll be a mushroom so that nobody can eat me!”
We all laughed but his idea was ruined when Jubilee said: “I’ll just stomp on you then.”

2

9 Funny Things

Here is the start of 100 Funny Things:

1. Jubilee talking about how “Your bran will be squashy” if you watch too much TV

2. The faces of four children trying olives for the first time

3. Jube giving advice on what to do if you have “clams” (cramps) ” I have clams too! Drink some chocolate milk and your clams will be all better!”

4. (Yet another Jubilee one) “Pledge allegiance to da flag and one dog under Jesus and liberty for all!”

5. Willin : “Why are all animals mommies?” I don’t know where this came from…

6. Sammy’s own versions of High School Musical songs

7. Lucy and I sharing the head phones and listening to Coldplay on Itunes and Styx blasting on the CD player…pathetic, Sabrina…pathetic

8. Canoeing in our creek

9. Willin and Jubilee harmonizing beatles songs

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